Getting over the past.

I've always said if my mom's house were to burn down she would grab the boxes of photos before anything else. She loves photography and lucky for me she's taken millions of pictures through out the years. I do the same, I have boxes of birthday cards, boxes of pictures, and even a box of old letters from people. Everything has a box.  I've never been the one to burn old pictures or notes from past boyfriends but today as I looked through my picture box I found one I just didn't like. It's a picture of my ex and I laying down, heads touching. I'm smiling from ear to ear and he has a smirk on his face that leads me to believe that he knew then that we would break up in a matter of months. We've managed to stay friends since our break up six years ago but here lately he is busy and I'm busy and his new girlfriend won't allow us to be friends. Without thinking I took a light to the picture and stood on my porch watching the edges curl. The wind blew out the flame and I lit it up again but it burned too slow. It was taking forever and quite frankly I didn't want to stare at that smirk for any longer. I picked it up and ripped into 2 million little pieces before throwing it into the trash. I'd like to say that it made me feel better but it didn't. It didn't make me feel anything, in fact I was let down that I didn't feel happier or even a little sad. I just felt like I wasted another three minutes of my life on him.

Isn't it funny how somethings go?

just a memory.

"You know, I don't NEED you. I want you." I looked at him through glassy eyes as he laid beside me monitoring my breathing. Even now, eight years later, I don't know why I felt the need to punish him even more for my mistakes. Maybe a part of me knew that I wasn't going to slip into a coma. Maybe part of me knew, even then, that I wasn't getting away from it all that easy. I'm not sure if I wanted him to just go away or if I was testing him to see if he even could but he didn't. He stayed right beside me all night, watching me breathe as I watched the back of my eyelids. He wore a hurt expression and I could tell he wanted to say the things that were plaguing his mind but once again I had adverted the topic with my own selfishness.

Oh, Thursday.

Tuesday my sister and I took my mom to Memorial in Savannah to start her first round of Chemo. She is low on platelets and in order for them to put in a pick like (so they don't have to continue sticking her) she'll need more platelets. Unfortunately, after the first two bags of platelets she has less than she started with. Praying everything goes well.

solar rays

I was browsing my news feed on Facebook this morning when I came across a wall-to-wall conversation between two of my friends. One was telling the other to mix baby oil and iodine together to get tan faster. I know that back in the day people used it all the time but the reviews I've read are quite mixed. The majority of people state that it does stain your skin for a little while. Anyone ever tried it? What results did you get?

Woke up thinking about shoes.

I love these boots. They are unique, cute, and so comfortable. I try to start every fall off by finding a new color and buying it. They look cute over leggings or without. 

The whole nude shoe look is totally cute. I love this shoe and with such a bright colored dress it really looks good. 

I first saw this shoe on a website that makes fun of certain weird shoes. I really like it though. I would probably wear them with a little black dress to add a little pop. 

The Vibram is a shoe you either love or you hate. I personally love them. I first saw them when my neighbors bought them for our camping trip. They're so different and boarder line tacky, but they're comfortable and to me they are precious! 

"She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes...."

I'm very into rings right now and I would love all five of the above rings!

This is the ring that started my love for statement rings. Three years ago my mom was going out of town and I asked her to look for a spoon ring because I felt I had to have one and I had somehow lost mine. She didn't find a spoon ring but she did find a fork ring and even though it wasn't what I asked for, I found it was what I needed! Everyone who sees it compliments it and I hold it dear to my heart. My mom is so good to me.

My uncle is a Chief  Engineer for the Merchant Marines and I've always been obsessed with anchors because of it. I asked for an anchor necklace last year and my fiance bought me this one from Forever 21, in gold not silver, along with an antique anchor broach he found bargain hunting. 

Just tried this on my hair this morning and so far a lot of fellow employees have thought it is cute!

I want all of these rings except I could probably do with the out the top right one (the man creeps me out)

"sitting, waiting, wishing..."

I'm not sure if I've mentioned the fact that I work with my mom at my day job. I love that only a few offices separate us and i've grown very fond of going to lunch together and her being right down the hall when I need a laugh or a hug.
This morning mom is at the doctors office getting blood work done so they can start the search for a bone marrow match. It's killing me to not be there with her and all I can think about lately is what life will be like once she goes into the hospital. She'll go to Savannah first, which is a 40 minute drive from here, so I'll be able to go visit with her after work and on the weekends. After Savannah she will go to Emory in Atlanta and I'm dreading it already. I get stressed driving in heavy traffic and from what I understand Atlanta is unreal. I'm not sure how I'll make the trip without a nervous breakdown but I'll be damned if I don't try.

I text my ex the other day to tell him about my mom and his only response was "sorry, hope she's okay". I got my feelings hurt a little because he has been one of my best friends for the past nine years, despite the fact that I'm now engaged. He was awesome last time mom was sick and made the whole deal easier on me just by being there for me to talk to when I needed a friend. I've spent six years with my fiance and he totally understands that I want my ex to be only my friend. He's cool with it but my ex's new girlfriend is not cool with it at all. They met last year at the bar and she went home with him and just never left. She was sleeping at his house for two weeks before she even broke up with her boyfriend at the time. At first she sent me messages saying how she didn't mind my ex being my friend and how it would be insecure of her to think he would do her wrong. I assured her that I wouldn't jeopardize my relationship nor hers. Now, she hates my guts and has my ex by the backbone. They both speak to my fiance when they see him but as soon as I arrive they stop talking to either of us. I don't expect to go on double dates or have sleepovers with the girl but It would have been nice of my ex to at least explain that we're friends. He is 26 and she is 19 and she has turned him into a complete tool. I guess some people let jealousy ruin them.

Praying that everything goes well with my mom!

Gotta have it.

My Favorite Must Haves:

Gap pocket tshirts. I have black, white, grey, and navy. I can wear them with shorts, skirts, jeans, and layered. 

Coobie Bras in the scoop neck version. I'm seeing them all over mommy/baby websites but regardless I wear them under tshirts and the strapless version tank tops all the time. They have padding and their comfortable and the colors are so fun! 

Pearls. Pearl is my birthstone so every year I get something pearl. Necklace, Bracelet, earrings, etc. I like to put on a strand with a tshirt and pretend i'm classy! ;)

Seer Sucker. You can wear a tshirt with seer sucker and still look like you tried. It's a classic.

T-shirt Dresses. I prefer ones that are more on the plain side. They're comfortable and can be worn in the summer or winter under a cardigan with leggings. 

Fossil Satchel. I've always been a fan of Fossil purses. They go with everything and look timeless. I'd rather have a new Fossil bag than a Dooney & Burke bag; that's just me though. 

Tortoise Shell Sunglasses. Again, it's a classic look and feel type thing and it goes with everything. 

Nude strapless bra. Everyone should have at least four bras. A nude one, a push up, a good strapless, and a black one. 

Little Black Dress. Everyone should have a little black dress that makes them feel like a million bucks. Mine happens to be one shoulder and quarter sleeve. I love it so much I wish I had bought two when I found it. 

Crop Top. This isn't a trend that everyone loves but I like wearing them over bathing suits, to workout, and of course around the house. Makes me feel edgy.

Cardigans. I live in these during the winter, fall, and spring. I wear them in the mornings when it's chilly and over dresses to work. 

PRETTY PANTIES THAT YOU FEEL HOT IN! Everyone needs undergarments that boost their self-esteem. For me it's boyshorts or anything lacy. 

This is just my list of things I love and would feel naked without. You're list is going to be different and that's okay because it's not trendy to all look the same, regardless of what you've been told.